Posted: 02 Sep. 2020 6 min. read

Coping with a loss

My personal journey

 “The only constant in life is change.”—Benjamin Franklin

Change is something we all experience, and it is something that we all are going through right now. Life has changed for each one of us—and there is a new normal. While COVID-19 started around November in China, my mom who was living with me, passed away in the first week of November, just a few days before her birthday. It was a change that I was not prepared for, and nobody is for such circumstances. I was in a reset even before the virus hit us in this part of the world.

Coping with loss

The first few months were extremely difficult. We all hear from our parents, mentors that nothing is impossible in this world. This incident was the toughest part of my life, and I realised that there are things in this world which are impossible to reverse, and we cannot go back in time. My family and friends supported meI had a lot of lone time too, thought about my time with her, read articles from people who experienced similar situations, reflected on everything from the past, especially the last few moments with her. I developed a mechanism to cope with this huge loss and the emotional turmoil I was going through. I am hereby sharing what has helped me during this difficult time, hoping to help anyone who is unfortunately, in a similar situation.

The first step is to give yourself time which I did, and then to accept reality about what you can influence or control and what you cannot reverse. That is the toughest part and I am still living through it. What we all need to know and tell ourselves in these situations is that this feeling is never going to end, period. So, I let the emotions flow and the feelings be. I have consciously become more mindful, thoughtful and do not think twice to help anybody who is in needit helps me find peace within and keeps her memories alive. Another positive approach to change involves reaching out to a supportive network, a counsellor, family and friends. Their perspective may help you move forward in the right direction.

Finding a purpose, an opportunity in adversity is something that I leaned on. My mother gave me a lot and now I have the chance to give it back to people around me, and to my community. I want to continue her legacy of helping the needy and by doing so, I feel the purpose of her life, continues with me. She had been my pillar of strength, I never imagined that with her going way, I would eventually gain so much strength and be able to pay it forward by being the strength of others who are in need today. And that gives me immense satisfaction and helps me continue my life, uninterrupted.

So, how do you find a purpose and rebuild yourself?

  • Give yourself time to heal.
  • Take some space for yourself.
  • Reflect on how things were and what you want to do. My way of doing that was by writing notes to self (journaling) which helped me a lot, especially since it was hard for me to talk it out loud.
  • Count on your blessingsbe grateful for your family, friends and what you are blessed with.
  • Pull up the courage to share your emotions as you re-enter the world, that is busy—a lot of people would want to talk and you might not want to open up, which will probably make you hide. But being upfront and sharing what you feel—whether you are comfortable or not in wanting to talk—puts everybody at ease because they want to know what you want. And to your surprise, things will fall in place. One fact: everyone who is born has to cry—that is the mark of life. So why is crying a difficult thing? It is an emotion that is part of us as humans and that is to be expressed as comfortably as others.
  • Pay it forward and live your life the best way you can with what life has to offer you!

These are some of the things that have helped me be resilient and cope with my loss. These simple ways of coping can be adopted by anyone who is going through a challenging time. Wishing you all much strength and success.

About the author:

Vidhya is the Customer & Marketing Practice Leader at Deloitte India (Offices of the US) based out of Hyderabad. She focuses on building and leading talent, and Digital Transformation of our client's businesses across various industries. She strives to achieve greater value for our clients and our people by driving business growth through diverse, impactful and creative outcomes. She is passionate about our people and focuses to evolve our competitive advantage through forward thinking, impactful talent strategies through shared, human experiences with our colleagues.