Why Domestic Abuse Matters to Businesses and What We All Can Do Now

Internal Panelists from Deloitte Tohmatsu Group

• K / Partner, Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu LLC
• N / Manager, Deloitte Tohmatsu Group LLC

Trigger Warning

This report includes discussions and references to domestic abuse, stories of members who have experienced domestic abuse, and references to dating abuse (violence/abuse between an unmarried couple). If you have any difficulties reading further, please discontinue and/or take necessary steps and care to avoid flashbacks.

Preface

In Japan, “domestic abuse” has been acknowledged as a personal issue and nothing to do with businesses and/or companies for a long time. Currently, it is said that one in four couples go through domestic abuse, and one in three teenage couples go through dating abuse. In many cases, victims find it difficult to consult with someone, so the issue has not been recognized by people other than the victims, and many people may feel that it has nothing to do with them.

The Japan Cabinet Office has released data in May 2021 that the number of domestic abuse consultations in Japan increased 1.6 times compared to the previous year (FY2019) *. It is said that one of the reasons is that people were staying at home longer due to remote work and quarantine, while domestic abuse is more likely to take place at home.

*The number of domestic abuse consultations received by Spousal Violence Counseling and Support Centers run by local governments and “Domestic Violence Hotline Plus” reached 17,500 in May - June 2020, just after the COVID-19 pandemic, which is 1.6 times higher than in the same period of the previous year, and more than 90% of the consultations were from women.

We believe that it is our responsibility to take initiatives against domestic abuse as a company with remote/diverse workstyle, by recognizing the change in relationships between organizations and its members. In June 2021, we introduced Domestic Family Violence Support Scheme as an internal system to provide support for members who are struggling from domestic abuse.

We also provide periodic opportunities for our members to raise awareness and gain understanding about domestic abuse as a concerning issue, both internally and externally. This report summarizes our internal study session held in December 2023 and is published to share some of the insights.

The first step is changing our perception - domestic abuse is a social issue which concerns everyone. Even if you are not a victim of domestic abuse, you can be an active bystander and supporter who can help someone close to you by having the right knowledge and helping resources.

Deloitte Tohmatsu Group will continue to work together to create an environment where everyone can work in a safe and secure environment.

Deloitte Tohmatsu Group Chief Talent Officer, DEI Leader

Rie Okubo

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In Japan, the term “domestic abuse” is often used to mean "violence by someone whom one is or has been intimate, such as a spouse and partner" but there are different kinds of violence other than physical violence. For example, “sexual violence”, which includes sexual acts without consent, and “economic violence”, which is violence related to financial harm, are typical. Preaching through the night and restricting behavior such as "Don't talk to anyone of the opposite sex" and "Be sure to report what you are doing and when and with whom" are also considered examples of violence.

In May 2023, “Act on the Prevention of Spousal Violence and the Protection of Victims*” was revised, but the law continues to apply only to spouses (ex-spouses) who live together, and there are no strong regulations on "dating abuse" between couples who do not live together. However, both domestic abuse and dating abuse have many things in common and support for victims is also important. Therefore, this report covers dating abuse in addition to domestic abuse.

*Act on the Prevention of Spousal Violence and the Protection of Victims: In the past, only when there was a high risk of serious harm to life or body caused by physical violence, courts could issue a "protective order" prohibiting the abuser from approaching the victim. However, due to a revision in 2023, emotional abuse has been included (enacted 1 April 2024).

Panel Discussion

(Excerpted from the discussion)

Domestic abuse is not just physical violence. It is important to understand what abuse means.

Abe (henceforth A): There are various circumstances where people are not able to ask for help although they are going through dating/domestic abuse. One of the causes is that there are many people who do not know that there are various types of violence other than physical violence and are not even aware that they are victims. Therefore, there are many people who are led to believe that it is their fault that they are treated the way they are by their abusers, or who do not realize that it is okay to ask for help -because they love their partner or have been with the partner for a very long time.

N: I am here today not just because I am empowering DEI in my client-related work, but also because I am a survivor of domestic abuse. While there were many reasons for my divorce, the direct cause was verbal abuse and physical violence from my ex-husband. In my case, when I felt that my ex-husband's behavior was likely to escalate, I started researching various things. It was before Deloitte Tohmatsu Group introduced the victim support scheme, so I was in a very difficult situation where I had to finish my work normally during the day and find out what to do without my ex-husband noticing. I think it is really helpful for victims of domestic abuse that our group now has a support scheme available.

K: The support scheme at Deloitte Tohmatsu Group offers one-stop support services such as consultation services by partner organizations, securing shelter, and accompanying for various procedures, covering relevant expenses, and granting special leave. It is important for all of us to recognize that you should ask for support in such cases. At the same time, to fundamentally eradicate dating and domestic abuse, I believe it is important to gain knowledge and raise awareness in earlier stages. I feel Abe-san’s training classes are very meaningful.

A: Thank you. We have measured the effectiveness of dating abuse prevention program before and after the course through a survey, and it has a significant impact on the perception of violence such as "I used to think that violence meant physical violence, but now I understand that there are various kinds of violence such as limiting your behavior." In addition, I would like to stress that no one deserves violence. If you feel uncomfortable, you can say no. But here's the thing: Even if you can't say no on the spot, that is not your fault. It is okay to talk to someone and get help. There are many victims of domestic abuse who say, "I couldn't tell anyone because I thought I shouldn't bother other people." I would like everyone to know, "You have the power to ask for help and support you deserve.”

Thinking about dating abuse as a parent

K: As a parent, I also feel that I need to gain more understanding about dating abuse. Abe-san, you are engaged in raising awareness about dating abuse. Do you see any trends when giving lectures to students?

A: Our organization conducted a survey on dating abuse for middle school students, high school students, and college students nationwide, and found that the most common examples were "getting angry if you reply late," "making the partner promise not to talk to someone of the opposite sex," and "limiting friendships." You might think, well, that does not seem like a big thing. But it is the characteristic of dating abuse that starts from limiting behaviors and the violence keeps escalating. There is also a case where abusers would say, "You can break up with me, but only over my dead body." Some people might capture this as a signs of love but that is a kind of threat. I also hear from middle school students that even if they have been subjected to serious physical violence, they cannot choose to break up because they are told that if they leave, the partner will die.

K: Such behaviors from a dating partner is violence, but dating abuse is not covered in class at schools. As a parent, I would appreciate if the topic would be brought up at school, and I would also like to talk about it with my children at home. How do I talk to my kids about dating abuse? Is there anything I should be careful of?

A: People might say things like, "Why are you dating someone like that?" or "Just break up" especially when the victim is going through dating abuse situation where the victim is not married or living together, but from the victim's point of view, that is the last thing they want to hear from family and friends. People do not want other people to think that someone you fell in love is a bad person. So, victims do not want to be told, "That's dating abuse." So first, make sure you have a relationship where you can openly talk about relationships and sexuality with your kids on a regular basis. Today, there are various books, picture books, and websites that teach us about relationships and sexuality, and I think it would be great if you could ask and discuss with your kids on their thoughts with various references. On top of that, I think it's important to let your kids know that you are always there for them holding their backs, if there's anything uncomfortable for them.

What "you" can do as an active bystander

K: Is there anything you would like people to know through your past experiences, and Abe-san through your everyday work?

N: This is similar to hearing “you should just break up,” but when I was struggling with domestic abuse, I went to a counseling center in my area and they introduced me to a shelter, but they seemed to have been willing to make an arrangement only if I decided to get divorced."

A: There are many people who have trouble getting divorced due to various reasons and the more difficult it is to get divorced, the more difficult it is to be told to do so. Instead of saying, "This is what you should do," it might be better to just sit back and listen carefully to the victim’s stories. At the same time, I would advise people to connect with a supporting organization if you notice family, friends, or colleagues who might be going through domestic/dating abuse. If you consult with a supporting organization, you will be able to gain knowledge you need. People who try to help the victim often become exhausted by being caught up in the situation. Therefore, it is important to connect with a professional not only for the victims, but also for the people around them.

N: Also, I would like to add that an abuser may be someone who does not seem like an abuser at all. For example, people may think someone as "amiable" or "cheerful and caring," but it's not easy for people to tell the situation at home, in their personal life. So, the person you're working with might actually be a victim of domestic/dating abuse or victim to-be. Right now, the victim -and they may be struggling to tell anyone at this moment. When you don't feel safe physically and emotionally, it takes toll on your work, and when your team member is going through that, it is something that matters to you as well.

A: It makes a huge difference just to have this kind of knowledge and sensor, to notice the situation around you. I think violence occurs in relationships that are not equal, and people with more power are abusing their power. There are many relationships in the world that seem to be not equal, such as superiors and subordinates, teachers and students, parents and children, and seniors and juniors. Parent-child relationships may also be difficult. I think it is crucial to establish an equal relationship between parents and children, and to show respect to each other daily in order to prevent domestic/dating abuse.

K: It's a very important point of view that parents and children are no exception from the context of balance of power. Because there are many challenges in society that arise from the balance of power, such as differences in numbers, positions, and privilege, I am re-convinced that it is very important for each of us to be aware of the issues that arise from balance of power in our daily lives and to pay close attention to each other while taking care of each other, in terms of preventing domestic/dating abuse. Thank you very much.

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*For those suffering from domestic/dating abuse

[Domestic Abuse Resources]

■Domestic Violence Hotline Plus (Cabinet Office): You can talk to a professional about various types of abuse you are experiencing from your spouse or partner. Telephone (0120-279-889) and e-mail consultations are available 24 hours. You can also consult via chat. (Chat available in 10 languages.) For details, see Here.

■Domestic Violence Counseling Navi: This is a contact information for those who do not know where to connect when they are suffering from domestic abuse. If you call #8008, you will be connected to the nearest local organization.

[Dating Abuse Counseling Resources]

■Dating Violence 110: This is a consultation service where you can consult about any kind of dating abuse. You can consult by chat or by phone (phone number 050-3204-0404). For details, see Here.

See HERE for reports on other DEI-related events.